Am tired of this emotional roller coaster of a ride that I've been on for quite some time now. The problem is that I think too much yet I cant help it and it only gets worse: another load is added to what I already am carrying.
Sometimes I tell myself that I shan't be carrying this, I shan't be thinking too much especially when it's not even mine too carry BUT I can't help it. I can't help but worry, I can't help but care, I can't help but hope and things are not helping me not to be disappointed. I keep telling myself: don't I worry because as they say its only gets worse before it gets better and this thing will not stay forever we are bound for change, nothings lasts forever and this too shall pass and those are the words that hold on to and God as my strength.
there are loads of stuff I do not understand. loads of stuff that I wish you would have done. loads of stuff I have dreamed of for you. loads of wishes that went past it time. dreams that vanquished and things that would probably forever be a mystery.
there are loads of things I wish I understand so I know where to push.
things that could have undone my being sad.