when I die

I do hope that people will come to remember me as someone who is kind when my time comes. I wanna be remembered as the kind person that I am. NOT  for my cussing, my swearing, my bitch fit, my complains, my bossiness, my naughtiness, my joy in taking photographs, my smile, my looks, my fatness, my voice, my thoughts well maybe a bit about my thoughts especially for the sharks and dolphins that's all.

incomprehensible kinetic roller coaster

Sometimes I bore myself to sleep that I ask for the sunshine to come buzzing me up
But in reality I crave for the treats from the rain showers to pierce open me up
So then I could finally breath a sigh of relief
So then I could breath


And then the cycle repeats




















everything is my own please dont copy

THE SORE LOSER IN ME|| my take on receiving ...

I am such a sore loser I hate being beaten when I know in myself that there's so much more I could have done and now I hate my deficiencies and what more I hate my insecurities :( 

my take on receiving this: 

what do I know?

so yeah I am now in third year college and as you all may know the education system here in the Philippines is quite different than how it is in other surrounding countries but I am not gonna talk about that I am just trying to tell u that things happen so fast here you jump from being a grader (1-6) then four or in some cases 5 years of high school then off to college. I brought myself to the course BS IT in a little school called St. Scholastica's College we are currently being fed into different variations of subjects particularly branches of Multimedia Arts when I was suppose to be doing programming but I have come to the realization that maybe I'll be happier here than programming I think I am happier figuring things like how to render or how to make this object move or keep it animated rather than figuring out what I did wrong with the flow of the program for it not to work. I think I'll be happier here figuring out how to survive here while I am slowly unraveling to myself that I like this path. This path wherein I first thought and have thought of as a child who dont know how to draw that I do not have a future here. Slowly learning that there is more to this that meets the eye and I'll never be perfect and never be good enough but at least I could improve. Or at least that's what I wanted to believe....

Peace

Grant me serenity within for the confusions around are mere reflections of whats within me...

Untitled

fvckd up! blah I just wanna get away

Signs by Bloc Party

Is my super kaduper x mega over times more is my favorite song by the Bloc Party as in I will never tire of it!
I first discover the song as well as the band on tv as I was watching the iTunes festival where in they sang helicopter and then this song. I don't know why it was able to touch me so deeply but it really did.
So yeah as I was watching iTunes festi I cam across this song and I wrote down the band but wasn't able to write down the title of the song I tried to commit it to my memory but as always as it has always done: it failed me. So then I went online to search about them only to find out that the tiny piece of paper I wrote in was gone and so after a long rancorous search battle on the internet I was able to find the band and the song only to find the piece of paper afterwards :/


and so after 86000 times of listening to it and trying to analyze it I've made a conclusion that song might have been caused by a death of a girl the writer loved so dear because of cancer I arrived to that conclusion because of this part of the song lyrics "In your life you were larger than this Statue-statuesque" I thought of cancer because it somewhat reminded me of the late Philippines President Cory Aquino and how her figure her face have turned into something small fragile and unrecognizable and it turns out I was so right. I was gushing about it too much that I tried to look for the song meaning of this song and there it confirms from their song "biko"  that she died of cancer. great I was yeah? just kiddin' and so I this girls' death surprised him or her illness maybe. "I believe in anything that brings you back home to me"  I think means he sees signs of her everywhere things that lets him relate to her. It happens to someone who have suffered a loss/ a love one and If you already have experienced that then I'm sure you could relate to it.


Here is the song lyrics:

Two ravens in the old oak tree and
One for you and one for me and
Bluebells in the late December
I see signs now all the time

The last time we slept together
There was something that was not there
You never wanted to alarm me
But I'm the one that's drowning now

I could sleep forever these days
Because in my dreams I see you again
But this time fleshed out, fuller faced
In your confirmation dress

It was so like you to visit me
To let me know you were ok
It was so like you to visit me
You always worried about someone else

At your funeral I was so upset
So upset, so upset
In your life you were larger than this
Statue-statuesque

I see signs now all the time
That you're not dead, you're sleeping
I believe in anything
That brings you back home to me

I see signs now all the time
That you're not dead, you're sleeping
I believe in anything
That brings you back home to me 

and I've later found out but didn't notice that they used this song for C&B in GG season 3 so yeah since I like them a lot it made me happier only I didn't like the version they used on GG. I still prefer the original :)




and an added bonus to all these is that they used xylophone on this track; one of my favorite musical instruments :)

Andrea Bocelli

I love Andrea Bocelli, I forgot how I've found out about him but I know that I used to be addicted to his song por ti volare when I was in highschool and come to think of it the stupid me haven't even thought of researching the meaning of the song until now (since its' in Spanish). I don't know why but I just like how he delivers it I feel his compassion in the song so here goes the English and Spanish version of the lyrics.

Spanish version

translation into English

Por ti volaréCuando vivo solo sueño un horizonte falto de palabras. En la sombra y entre luces todo es negro para mi mirada. Si tú no estas' junto a mí . . . aquí. Tú en tu mundo separado del mio por un abismo. Oye llamame yo volaré a tu mundo lejano. Por ti volaré espera que llegaré mi fin de trayecto eres tú para vivirlo los dos. Por ti volaré por cielos y mares hasta tu amor. Abriendo los ojos por fin contigo viviré. Cuando estas' lejana sueño un horizonte falto de palabras. Y yo sé que siempre estas' ahí, ahí, una luna hecha para mí, siempre iluminada para mí, por mí, por mí, por mí . . . Por ti volaré espera que llegaré mi fin de trayecto eres tú contigo yo viviré. Por ti volaré por cielos y mares hasta tu amor. Abriendo los ojos por fin contigo yo viviré. Por ti volaré por cielos y mares hasta tu amor. Abriendo los ojos por fin contigo viviré. Por ti volaré . . .

For you I'll flyWhen I live alone I dream of a horizon with no words. In the shadow and amongst lights   **) for my sight it's all black if you are not with me . . . here. You in your world separated from mine by an abyss. Hear call me I'll fly to your distant world. For you I'll fly. wait for me I'll arrive my trip's end is you for living it we two. For you I'll fly by skies and seas up to your love. Opening the eyes at last with you I'll live When you are far I dream of an horizon with no words. And I know that you are always there, there a moon made for me always illuminated for me because of me, because of me, because of me . . .   *) For you I'll fly wait for me I'll arrive my trip's end is you with you I'll live. For you I'll fly by skies and seas up to your love. Opening the eyes at last with you I'll live. For you I'll fly by skies and seas up to your love. Opening the eyes at last with you I'll live. For you I'll fly . . .

And one more thing i didn't know that he was blind!! My dad was the one who told me about it and I even told him that I haven't gotten any idea that he is! and my dad went: "matagal ko ng alam yun, hindi mo alam?" (I've known it for so long, haven't you gotten a clue?) I was like: "Andrea Bocelli? Andrea Bocelli? napanuod ko yung concert niya sa myx nung December ah hindi naman siya bulag (but I saw his 2009 Christmas concert in MYX channel last December) saan mo nakuha yang impormasyon na yan, hindi ako naniniwala sa impormasyon na yan (where did you get that info? I don't believe in it)" and so Google confirmed it to me and boy was I so wrong harhar

this are his photos:

c'est la vie??

Change

Is it normal for change in ourselves to occur without us realizing it? Is it? I felt like there are bits of me that I don't recognize anymore. It's insane actually because I felt like I've been in this situation before where I have to ask my self who am I? what am I? what am I doing here? what's my purpose and to be honest I really am not sure if I've found the answers. Is is sane to lose oneself only to find it again? The ocean has calmed and now the waves are crashing in again

I have to retreat but where do I go?



Outlet

Sometimes I bore myself to sleep that I ask for the sunshine to come buzzin' me up 
But in reality I crave for the treats from the rain showers to pierce open me up


So then I could breath for a sigh of relief
So then I could breath

Skins

Maxxie my <3 

So yeah just finished watching Skins season 1 and the ending was truly phenomenal as in I did not see it coming for me. That's the thing I like about skin it makes you hungry for more; it shows you turn of events that you don't expect to happen. the drama in every character is very relate-able but not quite because here in the Philippines things are quite different. Culture is quite tamed or at least that's what the oldies would like to see from us.


Its not some superficial, vain, narcissistic, power craving drama that most shows nowadays are plenty of.

Its cool

I think

But that's only my opinion and my take on it doesn't even cover the awesomeness of the show or at least that's my opinion :)



So yeah I am adding this intake after watching the 2nd season and way to blow things up I  mean whatta way to end it. The journey had taken me throught many twists and turns that I couldn't pick my favorite moment every comical and every dramatic or even some of the an climactic moments on the show is insanely important for you to appreciate the entire season. Hey what is a quid without a penny right?

I am on the third episode of the third season and I don't know if its because everyone is new (except effy) but uhhm I just don't feel it yet! I miss everyone! :( I miss maxxie :( =))

as of the moment I have my three favorites:

Effy Stonem I find her extremely intriguing and alluring

'

Naomi Campbell is utterly gorgeous

Both characters are very gorgeous!

and this with of course maxxie gone is my new eye candy

cant wait what his character will form out to become but I sure will keep an eye on it :)

transfixed into the state of flux

Go left, go left, go left
Go right, go right, go right
Go straight on, go straight on
Yes, straight on

So yeah my mind changes its course of interest so often it gets me and others around me confused.

The world is in a constant state of flux and it only ends when it stops spinning and everyone will be dead by then.We humans undergo it that it takes our courses into disarray. humble preferences: from having different fave colors, fave piece of clothing, food, tv shows and all the lot. Change in terms of the change of heart could either make a person stronger or crumble down. Change is both good and bad. Its in the process that we hope we don't lose ourselves in. Because what could be worse than not knowing who are anymore...right?